How much must it have sucked having to dance after J.R. Martinez on Monday's Dancing With the Stars?
The wounded Iraq War vet didn't end up with the night's highest score, but on an evening when the celebs were recounting their most memorable years through dance, he won the battle for hearts.
His rumba, performed in honour of U.S. soldiers who never made it home and in remembrance of the day he almost lost his life, earned an extended standing ovation from the crowd and more than a few tears (including a couple dropped on this very keyboard).
Let's see, commemorating the year you moved to L.A. and had to decide whether to go to school or get into TV, Kristin Cavallari? Thanks for coming out.
Still, J.R.'s emotional routine didn't quite propel him to the top of the scoreboard. That honour went to Ricki Lake for a second week in a row with a rumba of her own, celebrating the second chance at love she got after a painful divorce last year.
Was it all a little maudlin at times? Sure, but it was touching at times, as well. Guess what? Stars are people too.
Here's my take on the goings-on in the ballroom. I've ranked the routines from most to least favourite.
Ricki Lake and Derek Hough: Ricki chose to do a rumba to the song "Gravity" by Sara Bareilles to commemorate 2010, the year she got divorced and her house burned down, but she met her "true love," Christian. The number oozed passion and Ricki tackled some challenging choreography, including whip-fast turns. I'll take this kind of sexy over Kristin shaking her skinny little booty any day. I just wonder that Len, who found Hope and Maks's choreography provocative, didn't blink at the steamy ending as Derek laid Ricki on the stage and looked about ready to devour her. She turned her head at the last minute to turn the projected kiss into a peck on the cheek. "Every step was as expressive as a word in a poem; every move was absolutely essential to the dramatic tension of the story," Bruno Tonioli said. Score: Carrie Ann Inaba, 9; Len Goodman, 9; Bruno, 9; total, 27 out of 30.
J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff: You'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved when J.R. talked about his Humvee hitting a land mine, the first time he saw his badly burned face in hospital and sitting in the dark alone, crying. He did his rumba to Tim McGraw's "If You're Reading This" to honour those who didn't make it home. We knew it was going to be a two-hanky performance and that proved to be the case, but J.R. blended skill with the emotional appeal. I'd say the choreography wasn't as complex as what Ricki did but was still well-executed. Bruno praised J.R.'s foot extension while Len said he needed to be more musical through the arms, which brought boos. Carrie Ann was in tears. "You touched us all and I could feel the weight with which you danced by dedicating this to all those who have lost and, for all of those we have lost, I thank you because that was one of the most profound, honest dances I have ever seen on this show," she said. Score: Carrie Ann, 9; Len, 8; Bruno, 9; total, 26
Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani: Chynna's special year was 1990, when she and Wilson Phillips released their single "Hold On." She described the year as a turning point away from depression and drugs brought on by her famous father's abandonment. That positivity didn't always manifest itself in the rehearsal room where Chynna seemed to really beat herself up when she wasn't getting the steps. It all turned out well onstage, given Chynna's grace, though I would have liked to see a little more feeling and a little less thinking in the execution. "Hold on for one more day? Dancing like that you're gonna be here for weeks and weeks, not days and days," said Len. "You have taken this whole compeition to a new level." Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 9; Bruno, 9; total 26
Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke: Forgive me for putting this in writing, but a Kardashian is growing on me. Rob chose to honour his dad, former O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian Sr., who died of esophageal cancer in 1993 when Rob was 15. I did not even snicker aloud when Rob said it was tough growing up with only women in the house after his father's death. (Anybody else notice that one of those women, Kim, didn't give her brother a standing ovation until after the camera found her? Whatsa matter Kim? Ticked that Carrie Ann says he dances better than you?) The best thing about Rob's foxtrot is that he's starting to let his personality come through and he looked like he was having a lot of fun, dancing to "Fly Me to the Moon." The technique's getting better too. "You just put the dash into Kardashian" said Len. "I hope your dad's looking down and saying, 'Rob, you did good,' because you did." Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8; total, 24
Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya: Good for Carson for rising above just being the ballroom clown and actually putting some technique into his performance. He chose to remember 2003, the year Queer Eye for the Straight Guy debuted. Carson explained that after growing up hiding his gayness out of fear for others' reactions, that was the first time he really felt proud of himself. Perhaps Monday was another occasion as Carson buckled down and delivered much better technique in his tango, including a nice solid frame and good kicks. He did throw some humour into the catwalk tale, stealing Anna's shoe at the end of the number, but he has to learn to keep his mouth closed when he dances: he looks like he's catching flies. "Carson, I love you just the way you are because you brought us drama, entertainment, enthusiasm, fun, excitement, craziness, sassy, strange, sexy, all of it together," said Carrie Ann. Len told him he "put the boy in flamboyant," but only after extracting a promise he wouldn't be kissed since Carson had hugged Bruno. Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 7; Bruno, 8; total, 23
David Arquette and Kym Johnson: David was remembering last year, when his marriage fell apart, when he turned to booze, eventually giving it up for his daughter Coco. (That's an awfully supportive ex, he has, since Courteney Cox shows up for every episode.) He was also battling the shock of being in the bottom two last week. While I don't think he'll ever be a really good dancer, he was much improved, exercising better control over his movements in this rumba, performed to "O-o-h Child." "You came back and you brought so much more of you," said Carrie Ann. "You have this incredible raw emotion, which is pure and honest." Tom seemed to be feeling it, too, even giving David and Kym a hug before sending them up to Brooke Burke (speaking of Brooke, can someone take away her thesaurus? It seemed like every question Monday was about how someone was "processing" some feeling). Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8; total, 24
Hope Solo and Maks Chmerkovskiy: Note to Hope, being cute only takes you so far. I suppose being a soccer goalkeeper doesn't translate well into sexy moves on the dance floor. Despite the explosion of ruffles on her skirt and the way she was rubbing up against Maks, Hope still looked a bit jockish in her cha cha (danced to Enrique Iglesias's "Tonight" to commemorate the 2011 Women's World Cup finals and the lesson she learned about winning not being everything) and she was doing this pouty thing with her mouth. I guess it was meant to be a sexy face. Carrie Ann advised her to put "a little bit more fluidity and femininity" into her moves, particularly her walk. "Cross your legs slightly and take it on the ball of your foot," advised Bruno, who also called Hope a sexy minx, a panther and a man eater. Well, not quite. Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8; total, 24
Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas: I suppose I shouldn't make fun of Kristin; I do remember what it's like to be 24. She commemorated 2005, the year she moved to L.A. (she'd already been on Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County by that point). Anyhoo, Mark was working her hard on the samba, to be performed to Beyonce's "Crazy in Love," and she was focusing on her hair whipping and booty shaking (I did wonder how one can shake what they haven't really got). Kristin had the footwork and the other movements but nowhere near enough Latin flavour. However, it tickled the judges' fancy. "You definitely are pushing yourself to the limits. I like that. Keep it up," Carrie Ann said. Score: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8; total, 24
Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus: Points to Nancy for having a real story to share, about how she almost lost her own life and that of her daughter when she gave birth to her twins in 2007. She and Tristan danced a waltz to "Moon River," the first lullaby she sang for her kids. Was her performance a step up from last week? Yes, but I still don't like her dancing. I don't find her to have any natural musicality. Bruno and Len both had technical pointers about her posture and port de bras. Carrie Ann babbled on about being so transported she pictured woodland creatures coming out of the forest to watch Nancy dance. Inhaling too much spray tan, perhaps? Sadly, I think the twin story will keep Nancy around for at least another week. Score: Carrie Ann, 7; Len, 7; Bruno, 7; total, 21
Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer: I like what I've seen of Chaz and his sweet smile, but his rumba was unquestionably the worst dance of the night. It wasn't even a dance all the way through, with Chaz frequently posing while Lacey danced around him. He was commemorating this year because "I'm happier than I've ever been" and he was performing to a song by his late father, Sony Bono, called "Laugh at Me," which Chaz, the show's most controversial contestant, interpreted as "If you have a problem with me that's your problem, not mine." (Still no sign of mom Cher in the audience, by the way, but there's a surprise guest on Tuesday's results show: could it be?) Chaz seemed to try hard in rehearsal, but his movements were awkward. Carrie Ann said she was impressed by Chaz's courage just showing up, but it wasn't his best performance. Len disagreed and said it was. "You get negative comments, but you come back and give it your all and that shows a lot about your character." Will that be enough to keep Chaz around over better dancers?
There's only one way to find out, watch the results show Tuesday at 8 p.m. on CTV and you can catch the recap here.
(The photo of J.R. and Karina is by Criag Sjodin for ABC.)
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