From Dark Knight Rises set pics showing off Bane and Cowboys and Aliens edging The Smurfs at the box office to the return of ThunderCats , five minutes of Beavis and Butt-head and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 109 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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On that subject, where are my regulars at? JLAJRC, The Big Fat F*g, MBD, The Great Capt. Smooth, thepsychedelia. I'm sure I forgot a few names but where are all of you? Come back! I miss you. The fact that I can remember your names should mean something.
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Without any further ado, here is...
: If you were a child of the 80s, then ThunderCats should be very familiar to you. Right down to the cat spandex. If not, then watch an episode of Robot Chicken for an accurate portrayal of the kitty cat mythology. Like when Lion-O warped down into our dimension and down the chain scale of basic animal rights. He also wore a pink bow. Or the time Mumm-Ra masturbated as Mrs. Mumbletipeg.
As stray cats continue to haunt my night with their &$@*#$! cat calls (I leave the windows open or else house haaawwwt), here's a dozen pair of cats that's hip to the bone and not of constant annoyance. I'm talking about of course the new ThunderCats cartoon which premiered last Friday with back-to-back episodes – "The Sword of Omens" and "Ancient Spirits" - on Cartoon Network. Journalist analysis: FANTASTIC.
The 80s franchise filled our child-beating hearts with cartoonish feline fury and mythical tomcat brutality. It was goofy but all in cheesy fun. The modern version takes the good parts, adds fluid animation, terrific voices, darker themes, and what's this… character development! With unique personalities, flaws, and everything! What remains is a remarkably fleshed out modernization of an archaic 80s throwback that old and new fans will love. Much like the highly-acclaimed animated series Gargoyles , the revamped TunderCats cartoon is an enjoyable romp for kids and a sophisticated story-driven diversion for adults. It's a fine example of how all forms of media – cartoons, movies, television, etc. – should be done. You hear that Transformers and Smurfs ? Should be done !
So far, reviews have been very positive; at least that's what this random guy on YouTube told me. I guess I have to take him at his word since YouTube is a hub for honestly. It's not like anyone – especially people who post MLB videos - would ever preview their video with an actual still frame of the topic in question and only after clicking do you find out it's nothing but a web of lies. Never.
: You may have one time or another heard about the horror anthology TV series that ran on HBO some years back, have you not? Well here's Deadline to bring you up to speed on the status of the series that brought us horrorific short stories and the Crypt Keeper, now current owner of the Oakland Raiders. But be warned: this won't be your standard Crypt from the hood.
Fifteen years after horror anthology Tales from the Crypt ended its seven-year-run on HBO, a new TV series based on the popular and controversial 1950s EC Comics anthology is in the works with Gil Adler, producer on the HBO Crypt series, and Andrew Cosby, co-creator of Syfy hit Eureka and co-founder of comic book publisher BOOM! Studios. The new hourlong series will neither be anthological nor related to the HBO show. "It will be an ongoing series that uses characters from the comic books in a more modern context," Cosby said. "It's all about continually elevating the genre, for both existing fans of the source material and mainstream audiences." - Deadline
If you want to see how much I loved the original series inInternetback form, google "411mania", "Porfirio Diaz", and "Tales from the Crypt". See that link on the very top of the page. Yeah, that's mine… and it's links you over to the MMA section? Zuh?
Glitch aside, you'll read about how Tales from the Crypt thrived in a short story format with the given freedom to throw as much violence, profanity, and boobies as the producers could. However, the old anthological formula will be thrown in the recycle bin in favor of a format based around characters from the original comic series and one giant continuous "tale". So far there is no word on the Crypt Keeper's availability or if HBO is even the destined host for the new series. There's a lot of caution in the wind and a lot of questions to be answered – Will John Kassir be back as the voice of the Crypt Keeper? Will producers Gill Adler and Andrew Cosby force the show to be back on HBO? Will another premium cable network like Showtime be an option? - but I think this revival could work. I don't care if Adler and Cosby have to force themselves onto HBO or Showtime. Mainstream TV network will only cause the show's revival to be buried quickly back in the ground. People need their weekly dose of demon funbags and you can darn sure bet you're not going to be getting any on, say, TNT, or PBS.
Maybe AMC. Maybe .
Want more TV revivals? Here's five minutes of Beavis and Butt-head : The last known appearance of Tales of the Crypt : 1996. Beavis and Butt-head , MTV's funny talking duo that reacts poorly to public uprightness but unpoorly to flavorful music videos, followed suit two years later. What's on your computer monitor now is the first look at the newest of old, the modern replication of Beavis and Butt-Head . The clip features the return of Cornholio, penetration jokes, and their response to what they like and don't like of a clip of the Jersey Shore . Because music videos apparently don't exist on MTV, you see.
The Beavis and Butt-head of the olden days have given me buckets full of laughter and "TP for my bunghole" jokes. I'm now in my late 20s. As a (slightly) responsible young adult, how would I fare with this modern incarnation of self-inflected pain and double entendre of the juvenile variety?
I LOL'ed.
Not so much the main story segments (although the part where Butt-head politely requests the mother to feed her baby with her boob did spring forth a hoot) but to their candid analysis of the Jersey's Shore . "That's how she answers the phone" was all I needed to hear to give this updated mockup two thumbs up. And yes, I continue to refuse maturity.
: A decent amount of credit is given to creative geniuses that arouse our tickled desires for entertainment. Be it filmmakers, actors, book writers, or the creepy guy behind the alley who goes by the name of "Flashenstein", we praise these men and women for their outstanding achievement in the field of excellence. What's great about public creativity is that it's not limited to just anyone beyond regular Joes like you or me. Even the simplest of man can duplicate a bundle of awesomeness.
Which brings me to a 14-minute fan-made Batman movie titled The Last Laugh .
I don't know if the people at ENSOproductions qualify as "regular Joes" but they did manage to create one hell of a Batman mini motion picture. Look, Batman vs. Joker! Look, excellent choreography! Look, Batman driving the Batpod under the speed limit! Is there a public school nearby? I guess even vigilantes have to honor the rules of the road. A well-done Batflick stuffed with cleverness stuffed in 14 minutes of nearly-silent reel. Well worth your precious time and just the thing you need to start a new week.
: Estimates suggest Cowboys and Alients and The Smurfs tied with a total of $36.2M over the weekend. You know the old saying, "A tie is like kissing your sister". Yeah, like kissing your sister all right. I would know. Just ask her. But considering that Smurfs had a lower production budget ($110M vs. $163M), was more universally hated (20% vs. 44% on Rotten Tomatoes), and had 355 fewer theaters than Cowboys vs. Aliens , I'll say this was a win in penalty kicks for the dudes in blue. What a bummer. Cowboys vs. Aliens was one of the films I was looking forward to the most and this new developlement is quite the underwhelming feat.
Think about it: Cowboys vs. Aliens tied with a remade version of a cartoon that people in their 20s to 30s barely remember in the first place besides that one time South Park did it. Not even Captain American or Harry Potter could beat them. Sad times.
UPDATE : Box Office Mojo declares Cowboys & Aliens the winner after all. Their $36.4M beats out The Smurfs 35.6M. Slightly better but still sad.
: Dark Knight Rises released a couple of 90% Vitamin S (the "S" is for spoiler) set photos over the weekend. The photo posted here shows Tom Hardy as the maybe-not-quite-the-fearsome-beast Bane. To be fair, it's hard to look fearsome when it's such a nice day for a stroll in the park while wearing what looks to be like Darth Vader's homeless suit. Did Bane steal that coat from John Woo's vault? He is off to pass that note to Mark Zuckerberg? Maybe it's not Bane. Maybe it's an extra from Hostel who got lost on his way to the set?
For the record: Dark Knight Rises is going to be awesome. Bane may look the least bit menacing here but all this funny talk is just a hangover until the release date. I felt the need to include this notice because I know at least one of you is a tad pinched that I took the liberty to poke fun at Tom Hardy and his wardrobe of S&M malfunctions.
There's a pot of other Dark Knight Rises photos available at the helm but are much more spoilerific. For more, check out thefor more pictures of the spoiler kind.
: It was just days ago that showrunner Frank Darabont was on the Walking Dead's San Diego Comic Con panel. This is the same Frank Darabont who spent years trying to get the apocalyptic zombie series on television. The same Frank Darabont who steered the show into an underdog success story and later fired the show's writing staff after the conclusion of Season 1. Then last week he decided to step down from AMC's most-watched show in their network history. Tell us why, Deadline:
To steal an indirect quote from Deadline, bombshell: this news is. Darabont fancies himself as a movie director and perhaps the grind of producing a television series – abbreviated Season 1 episode count: 6 vs. Season 2 episode count: 13 – played into the deciding factor. He may very well continue on with the show in some form or another but how this will affect The Walking Dead Season 2 and beyond is unknown. For some of you, maybe this is a welcome change. He produced an amazing pilot but some felt the latter episodes were less than satisfying. It's just like eating Marshmallow Peeps: it's so good eating it for the first time that there's no way it could live up to its initial expectation. Then you eat a second one… not as good as the first and so on. Executive producer Glen Mazzara has been penned to replace Darnbont as the showrunner.
This is one of those news items that can't be fully judged upon first reaction as we need to see how Season 2 plays out first. But I needed to put this piece somewhere. It's probably wRong of Frank Darabont to suddenly talk his ball and go home but it's not like I have any experience working for a hit television show. Let's revisit this issue during Season 2. If we don't see enough violence and zombie head smash, then we can begin to worry.
: Dave Chappelle loves stand up, which is probably why we haven't seen him in any other sort of media capacity. I remember watching him live during my time at UC Davis (9/23/05 in fact) and he just killed it. This was right after he came back from his South Africa trip and a year removed from his incident in Sacramento where he belittled the audience after they Rick James'ed him to death and walked off stage.
Now he's back on the wrong side of the news again. This time an incident happened at a charity event in Miami where Dave told exactly one joke and did nothing else for the next 45 minutes. Well I shouldn't say "nothing else". He did have the courtesy to check his phone for text messages… four times! At least Andy Kaufman had the gentility to read The Great Gatsby to his audience. The problem was that someone in the audience wouldn't stop filming him. What kind of jerk would continue to film after he's been told by the star of the show to stop filming . There's just something about Dave that turns his audience into numnuts. So Dave spotted the culprit and basically called it a day. A similar situation also happened at the live UCD show I attended to but all Dave did was kick the guy out and proceed to tell us how copyright infringement sucks, followed by sex jokes, followed by bathroom theater poop jokes. It was great.
Both Dave and the audience member are in the wRong but I side more with Dave here. Dave handled the situation poorly but in a business where his comedic material is required for specials on HBO/Comedy Central and other records, the last thing he wants is someone else filming his material and spreading it around on the Innerwebs for free. That is until Dave releases a CD that features nothing but mumbles, silence, and a running loop of him telling us to stop filming him at live shows. Until then, boo to those film camera-ee people.
What?
BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. Dave does it again! Chappelle performed at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel last week and by all accounts dropped a turd bomb. It was so bad that he decided to have another go-around sexting (citation needed) on his phone once more. He apologized to the Seminole Indians (Native Americans?) and they accepted his apology. All well and good but if this becomes a recurring habit, then maybe Dave needs to go on another field trip to clear his head again. I'm not going to tell him that though. Did you see how buff he is now?! Boulders for arms!
: In an effort to pick a holiday and make a rom-com about it, New Line/Warner Bros. pretty much took Valentine's Day , added a ton more white people, and called it New Year's Eve . I will say that the film has an impressive list of celebrated stars: Robert De Niro. And that's it.
*sigh* Effin' Robert De Niro.
Here's the remaining set of white jerkfaces who are supposed to star in the film: Katherine Heigl (ugh), Ashton Kutcher, Zac Efron, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jon Bon Jovi (???), Josh Duhamel, and others, including a cameo by Ryan Seacrest. Does this movie have a face? I would like to punch it very much.
Before you click on the trailer (if you have the guts), guess just how many clichés you can find? Go on, GUESS! A working business girl looking for true love? Lonely guy montage? A hunt to find an old flame? It's like an Easter egg of clichés disguised as a film! Quick, someone take away Thanksgiving before white Hollywood gathers to destroy it too!
: A friend of mine once suggested a lifetime ban on all Russians because of the Cold War. Then I held an envelope to my head and said the words "run and gun". After repeating the phrase once more, I ripped poof the envelope: "what you will do the next time you see a Russian." HIYOOOO. Of course, this was said on a message board where "I was being facetious" is the standard protocol for nearly all forms of comments. Hey, message boards. Remember when those were popular from 2001 to 2005? I miss those days.
Anyway, Russians have been plotting their invasion on reality TV ground since the idea was pitched back in March 2010. Now the time has almost come – August 11th to be precise - for the new reality series Russian Dolls to hit your face with profanity and more whorish behavior than we care to care. Even worse, the show will debut on Lifetime, the network once devoted only to female-friendly (i.e. the abused housewife/women with cats demographic) programming such as "Glamour Belles" and "why men are smug" movies of the week.
In addition, here's a rundown of our contestants for no reason at all (via Sheepshead Bites ):
I have no common ties with any of these people. The only person I come close in sharing a linked personality with is Renata and that's only the "sweet, energetic, and whimsical" part of her history. I don't know how many hits these descriptions would gather in an e-Harmony account but in a righteous world, the number would be "0" followed by a swift kick to the face. Besides the ambitions to "GTL", get wasted, and further create a new race of germs on a daily basis, the one difference I do find between Jersey Shore and Russian Dolls is the range of age. Now people of all ages can grow to hate this show. A show filled with loveless relationships, and a narrow desire for fame and material goods. Aww yeah.
: I'm not awake early enough to care about morning shows but that's why we have YouTube. Kat Von D was set to be interviewed on Good Day L.A. before stuff happened and said stuff resulted in Kat walking out of the studio. She spun the PR train round and round by mentioning she got upset because the anchorpeople talked about her breakup with Jesse James. The producer of Good Day L.A. followed that up by calling her a dirty liar. Good Day: 1, Kat Von D: 0.
: Just what you need: MORE GUIDOS! If it was one or the other, this would have landed right on the wRong section. But no. It's a real thing. There's a casting notice out there seeking men aged 20 to 40 in various places where guidos are exiled to from different parts of the world (New York, New Jersey, and Puerto Rico) for a reality series called Ghostfellas . It's like a combination of Jersey Shore and Ghostbusters . Guido Ghostbusters? Forget-a-BOO-it! HA!
: Next Media Animation, the Taiwan animation company who brought you the Jennifer Lopez-Marc Anthony divorce and Yao Ming hatching from a basketball egg, decided to cover their own version of The Dark Knight trailer. Watch it and be amazing at OKAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?! It's Batman, Memento , the down-ridden economy, Wal-Mart and insanity all rolled into one. I don't have a clue yet I would gladly fork down the Washington's necessary in order to watch it in its entirety. Conclusion: I want this… whatever this is. While you try to sort out the bigger picture, I'm going to jump ahead to the scene where a happy Robin is happily jumping on the bed while Batman is busy receiving the tail end of a p-whip.
Honestly I like both social networks but if Google+ continues to make nice, then Facebook might have a problem on their hands.
Dark Knight Rises = prequel? Did you mean "sequels"? Godfather Part II is my favorite prequel, although I guess it could count as a sequel as well. Pre-sequel? Is Casino Royale more reboot than prequel? Non-sequitur much?
Oh children.
Eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it was okay.
Nice! Do you post here often? I feel like you should post here often. If you were a Google page, I would +1 you.
For fun, I googled "Nolan Nerds". The first page was a link to a video titled "Nolan Woodyer Revenge of the Nerds". It had a cute baby scaring the ever living crap out of me in the nerdest way possible. I implore you to watch.
Last word : Carne aside fries. GOOD STUFF. LOFTY STUFF.
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